A jester gambled with his own life. He faltered, fell and rose from ashes like the fabled Phoenix, only to discover himself a little more naïve in a wise planet. He sees his life through his work…how very foolish!
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Thursday, February 12, 2009
Do stars shiver in cold blue sky?
I ask again: Do stars shiver in cold blue sky?
You hold me tight on your breasts Afraid that I like my twin would leave and go…
With drops of milk, I suckled my brother’s life from you
A hurt lily dwelled in your eyes. You hid the gnarled beauty of your roots To bloom in my fractured dreams, but
I sought my revenge, dear Mummy.
Perhaps I shivered And wailed, when you slapped me hard – To arrive in countless fears, hopes and dreams When miles lay between us
You wept – My pain returned through your tears When you heard, a youth Was slain, by a bullet in Bombay Like a fool, you made my Stern father nervous that night.
But, now I let all your Joys and fears evaporate Like mists of swirling cloud From my sweet, child-like mouth
With soft flap of wings You burst forth like a bird on flight, You gushed with the strength of a newborn river: Free, spreading your wings In the slight flutter of your raucous breath; And, your listless eyes lay still.
I am mad, a howling lunatic I say that I cannot live without you
Perhaps the silly doctors would never know The little game that we two played:
The silly doctors pronounced you dead – From when have they become judges, O Mummy?
I laugh and play… I am mad, a howling lunatic.
No, don’t be sad: You did not go!
It was my command that you leave, and You left – You obeyed me, like I did as a child
The wheel moved full circle I took my revenge, dear Mummy.
The revenge of your selfless love I hurt you and fought with you: Madly in love with you, I even bade you goodbye! --
You suffered in silent coma, Tormented by fever Spaced across four days and nights As your brain swam within your skull In a pool of blood, It clotted all over your organ The way I soiled My crisp clothes as a child…
Amidst fears and hope, Unmindful of loud crackers And starry sparklers You lay still, With me watching you, helplessly – As you had watched my twin brother Die in baby gasps – until His listless body was snatched from your youthful lap.
You told me that you had wailed and cried But, they took his frail, still body from you!
My prayers were his curse, His prayers, my curse: Did he conspire with daddy? Did he also call him ‘Bapi’?
Together, they were waiting for you…
You warmed a cold October night With agonizing fever,
I ordered you to leave…
And I told you That perhaps we will meet in another life!
Go, go away Mummy, I am mad, for I love you madly. And if you don’t go now I will never be able to leave you. --
No, you did not leave me, Mummy I cast you, away: Like a broken toy, Like a love letter that lost its meaning.
Your framed picture, garlands and all, Hangs like a shrunken, empty net Against a white wall, Flanked by pictures of My father and uncle, on either side;
I hold you in my thoughts – You held me too, tight, in your countless worries and joys!
You once told me that you would die If something were to happen to me. Though nothing happened to me, I let you die… -- It’s morning, now –
You look at me with a smile From your frame on the wall
Let me confess, I no longer feel the sadness That I felt, when I lovingly smeared ‘Ghee’ on your still, sweet face and breasts And washed your forehead with salty tears – As you once oiled and bathed me
I no longer feel the pain, That I did, when I Torched your howling pyre Beside the cold, grey Ganga
My pain has gone, It’s a huge void, now
Vacant like the cold blue sky – Without a bird, Silent like a tomb, Lost in deep slumber For centuries, stellar years; Older, perhaps, than the wrinkled earth!
You, now, sleep sound amongst the stars – As I, a child, slept quietly In the circle of your arms crushed on your soft kind breasts.
(I lost my mother on October 26, 2003, to brain hemorrhage. She was in deep coma for four days, battling with life)